Kamots

Bryan asked me today if I would join him here on this blog, and when he explained its purpose, my answer was a resounding yes. I haven't personally kept a blog for over five years now, and I've never participated in a group blog, but this one speaks to my heart, and if it does nothing more than facilitate the shared ramblings of two dreamers half a continent apart, then it's already a successful endeavor.

Before I contribute a post of any consequence, I want to explain Kamots. I use the name for my avatar or display name in most online social circles, and am frequently asked about its meaning. A rare few already know, but for those who don't, and because when I read a blog I personally like knowing a bit about who's behind the words I'm reading, I will use this first post to preemptively address the question that I know from experience will arise: Who or what is a Kamots?

The short answer is that Kamots was a wolf who spent several years as the alpha male of what is known as the Sawtooth Pack. Go to the Wolf Education Research Center if you want to know more.

The long answer is that as long as I can remember, I have loved wolves. They are beautiful, fierce, loyal, loving creatures. They have taught me more about life than most people. Wolves are misunderstood by most of humanity, and most of the time I feel the same. They possess an inner strength that I strive for, strong and independent, yet relying on each other to face the challenges of life. The family bond in the wolf pack is one of the strongest found in nature. They don't always agree, they will challenge one another to the point of drawing blood, but no matter what the role they choose or are assigned, they never, never forsake their pack. Such devotion is rare among animals, and the fickleness of human bonds pales by comparison. I choose the name for my avatars and display names to honor a creature that lives and loves and plays and dies with an intensity of spirit that inspires me to life.

So, who am I really? Obviously I am not a wolf. If there is such a thing as reincarnation, then I must have been one in a very recent past life, but for this lifetime at least, I'm passing my time in the body of a human male. I am a software engineer by trade, but my heart lies with writing, with the power of imagination and myth to change the world. It seems an odd combination, analytical versus artistic, two different sides of the brain, two vastly different aspects of personality, but I find that they can mesh like the sides of a coin to form a whole. I spent a good deal of my early life enamored with things that go beep, but I've learned that in the end, the mark I leave on this world and the mark it leaves on me have nothing to do with the things that beep and flash, and everything to do with the ones that laugh and cry. Lying upon death's door I will not find myself wishing I'd had time to level up just once more, I'll wish I'd hugged my children more, that I'd visited my grandpa before he died, that I'd broken the decade-long silence with my sister. The size of my house and the speed of my computer will count for nothing, but the lives intermingled with my own will count for everything. So, yes, I might be a left-brained analytical geek by nature, but I have learned that all we really have is each other, and writing is my means of reaching out.

Sadly, I find that being openly philosophical and thinking deeply turns most people off. I think deeply because I know my time is limited, so why should I let it go to waste? I value the gift of my life and the only impact I can have are the choices I make. Should those choices then be made lightly? Maybe sometimes, yes, but most of the time they're worth considering for a while. So I consider my choices in life as if it were the only life I had---oh wait, it is!---but the philosophy of life that I embrace is actually not to take it all too seriously. I believe the people who are able to make the most of life are the people who never forget what it's like to be a child. As children we find the world an incredible place, full of wonder, waiting to be explored, filled with the hope of what it might offer to us. Somewhere along the way to becoming an adult, most people seem to lose that. Most, but not all. It's the people who didn't that I'm looking for. The people who still chase dreams . . .